I have ITP, blood clotting disorder. Low platelets and anemia. Seeing mucho drs, feeling cruddy most days, human pin cushion, 3 more months to go. Mike is leaving for camp edwards in 11 days and will be gone most of August. I've done school shopping. Yes already! I'm drinking my calories and vitamins. and taking more vitamins...and more meds...this little boy better be cute. ;) Not sleeping very well. Mike was gone for 16.5 hours today. Baby is kicking hard, he's breech. for now. Im kind of miserable. With mike leaving and not feeling well. stuck home with the kids. Theres so much to do but I cant do it alone so right now we do nothing bc mommy cant. I've tried trust me and almost died trying. Buying a new wood swingset wednesday for the kids. since it's pretty expensive my mom and dad helped some. crazy night tonight. im very tired and wish mike didnt have to work so much. then he tries coming home and theres an accident and he has to stop bc he's an emt...car vs tractor trailer on 87. I havent gained anything infact ive lost 5-10 lbs at 25 weeks..
im seriously feeling sad bc mike is gone not just alot but all the time...im seriously getting angry. he left before the kids woke up and was just home before midnight. Being pregnant, having 3 kids and a house to take care of, I feel cheated not having him here to be a husband and father to our kids. My kids feel angry thats he's never here. they cry for him. it's not fair. and it doesnt seem like hes trying to make it easier on us, he's just leaving it up to me. Everything. pregnant, sick, and taking care of kids by myself. Zero support. I dont think he ever even asks how im doing. if im on the phone with him, it's 2 seconds later, before we can even start a conversation, that he has to go...someones calling him, customers is waiting on the porch...all of this is starting to weigh me down. when you dont have someone there for you, emotionally or anyother way, what happens? I know what happens and its not good. Here's Mikes life and everything he does and wants to do and then theres us...all the people left here waiting for him all the time...to call or come home...breakfast lunch and dinners everyday with just me and the kids...headaches with no relief, endless chores and fights to break up...alone. Holidays, sundays, birthdays, school functions, all alone. This bitterness is mounting. My kids need a father. Not a father that will only be around a few days a month. They need someone to help them make memories, hold their hand, tuck them in to bed, read them stories, make sand castles with them, teach them to swim and to ride a bike, teach them right from wrong, take them fishing, I've done all of that, and daddy hasnt. When is too much really too damn much? When someones priorities are fucked and they really DONT get it and see what they are doing to their children and family by being so absent, what do you do?!
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