im hungry again

Literally I feel like im hungry an hour after i've eaten.  Speaking of...frozen go-gurt is fabulous.  Mike is sick of feeding me ;(   He doesnt want to cover my cold feet with a blanket. He thinks i'm too needy already. I really dont think I have inconvenienced him that much.  Jeeze. Heres the conversation:

Me: My feet are freezing(while im looking around for a blanket)

Mike: I dont have anything...here's a shirt...and he throws dylans shirt on my feet.
Ohhh boy this is going to be a fun 33 weeks. hahahaha
The boys  were both diagnosed with allergies today.  And put on Zyrtec, hopefully their itchy eyes and stuffy noses will go away.  We were starting to worry.

sticky words

I  have no clue how I am going to do this but I will find a way. I feel pretty good. Amazingly. I guess Chinese people  really do use dresser drawers. Thats what Jaimie said today. Im glad us moms got to go out today with 9 children.  We really managed well.  They got to play and have fun.  Im still worried about Calvin...poor little man.  He took a good crash I guess and started to twitch a little. Boys really can give you an ulcer with all of their tricks and climbing. Little daredevils.  Ty wants to ski which im cool with but he's still just 3, maybe we'll wait until he's 5...Tae kwon do is what he's really into right now.  Dylan has given it a good month and done it but has decided not to continue. He is signed up for tee ball which will be too cute!  Hailey is almost a junior in girl scouts. We just finished world thinking day (Australia) and selling cookies. They had the choice to go to a summer program but didnt want to be away from me everyday. We got our six flags season tickets in December though.  Today is my husbands 29th birthday and he is not here.  He has been gone all day and night. Work all day and a 4 hour class all night.  He is doing really good at Time Warner. He has gotten 2 raises and I couldnt be more proud! He is still working hard towards dream for a FT paid firefighter position. Which is why he is not home tonight. AVET...accident vehicle extrication something or other on his bday. It will be over after monday and tuesday. His little man misses him the most...he called on his break and Ty said in a very angry voice, Dad just come home!  Tyler is now sound asleep on the couch waiting for his daddy. Since he was sick in december he has not been wanting to sleep in his room, in his bed...he'd rather sleep on the floor with me or mike...or in our bed, couch, his spiderman aerobed, his elmo couch...and so on.   Mike used to snuggle  him every night in our bed or on the couch..but he's never home at night or ever for that matter so Ty gets angry.  They would fall asleep together all snuggled up in my queens size bed and I wouldnt have any where to go, so I bought a king size bed. haha! You know thousands of dollars but its worth having our little man happy.  Jeeze im getting a headache from starring at  this  screen. and btw since this is my blog my grammar is going to suck and im giving myself permission. Also my spacebar is not really working so words that stick together...well you can make sense of it.  Im hungry...I guess just trying to get in the folic acid with the salad for dinner wasnt enough.  I  am not sick yay! I'm going to the dr in the am, hopefully its good news or it may be bad...im not prepared but Ty said *his words* he will hold my hand while they get the blood out of my arm. I  need to eat. There isnt even birthday cake. boo!

their pain is mine...and it hurts

I internalize everything I see. I cant understand a perfect new baby dying. I cant ignore those stories. Is there a purpose for the great deal of emotion I feel when confronted with these stories of loss, pain, misfortune.  There has got to be a reason behind all of this. I think it may be, after it happening so much,  a  segway  to what I should be doing in life.  Someone has a plan for me to help other people  in some way and i'm just waiting to find out what it is. Helping people is something Ive really always wanted to do. After becoming a firefighter and an emt, and a security guard which are all great, I still don't feel fulfilled or that i'm doing my life's work...what i'm suposed to be doing.  You know the job that you're excited to  go to and its never about the money, but you are paid  in a different way, through self-gratification for doing something you love and helping someone.  Its amazing and a great feeling to do that work.  It makes you feel complete and whole and you're taking a part in making the world just a smidgen nicer. I know I was put here to do something better.  But meanwhile i'm sitting here not finding any answers...I just keep waiting for my sign.