Arent we supposed to get atleast a break on Mothers Day?! So pissed right now! I have THE shittiest family ever(my side)! My Mom just royally pissed me off. We made tentative plans for breakfast this morning. I originally wanted to go out for breakfast to like a buffet kind of thing before Mike went to work...Then I said well scratch breakfast out bc I looked into my wallet and didnt think I had enough money for everyone. As it turns out Mike had taken money out of my wallet as usual. So then I mentioned just having breakfast at her house...then she proceeded to say my brother was coming up and she didnt know if maybe he was going to take her out for breakfast and that she'd get back to me. Yeah didnt hear from her about anything to do with getting together and now its Mother's Day way beyond breakfast time...So 3pm I call her and she was already at my aunt peggys house, with my gram and the rest of my entire family which may or may not include my brother...which I WAS NEVER INVITED TO! So she answers and says Hi Becky...and I said Hi...as I can hear everyone in the backround...i said you never called me and she says LOUDLY well i'm the mother you were supposed to call me on mothers day...seriously!? Then I can hear my Aunt, start laughing and say some snide remark. As usual. Then I go into the fact that we kinda had plans and she says oh that was canceled you couldn't afford it! Then I got made as I knew she just announced that in front of everyone loudly and I just hung up! Seriously what kind of Mother does that? I guess the same kind of mother that left me alone all the time, never set boundries, never helped with homework or got help for me, never led me as a real parent or grandparent for that matter, never lifted me up when I was down, treated me as if I were an inconvenience, never taught me how to be who I am, but just left me to fend for myself, penniless at 16 yrs old and taking care of myself. Is it time for me to move on and shed that responsibility? Just bc she gave birth to me? She never protected me, or taught me the right way...I learned on my own. Where was my good example?
OK, onward...so for some reason my boys are fighting very bad today. Constantly for the past 6 hours. That really has gotten on my nerves. I'm so upset I havent called anyone I should to wish them a happy mothers day...Even though I will see them in an hour...I still feel bad. But unfortunately I just cant stand talking to anyone right now bc I am so upset. Mike actually called but I told him I was too upset to talk. I really wish he didnt have to work. Tyler now has a black eye, dylan got hit in the head, tylers fingers got shut in the fridge, the place is a mess, and I'm a mess. I really wanted a small, just a teeny little break today...and I really deserve it I swear. But they are watching ICE AGE: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS and giggling and that is helping alot. I love my kids. Little turds.
It's ok im ok. I'm still doing these huge sigh, deep breath things bc I was just so overwhelmed. But I am questioning Am I making the right moves to improve life for us or pushing people away? I am confused. Do I just take what I can get and be thankful for the fact that I have a mother? They love her. Wouldnt you as a grandparent just eat up this time with your grandkids. But no it's just like it was when i was little it gets boring to her. She never calls to see them or take them or be involved..Normally all of this is deep inside and buried.
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