On Saturday I got to see my Gram. My Mom brought her from the Nursing home to watch Dylans t ball game. It was awesome. She got to see the kiddos, and not in the setting of a bunch of dementia patients. Way cool! Tyler spent alot of time with her, he kept peeking at her from the backseat of my moms car saying Hi great grandma! And he got her to do thumbs up with him. Too cute wish I had my camera. She had a root beer and they split it. For those of you that dont know my Grammy she is crazy like me, die hard independent, traveler, awesome sense of humor, would do anything for anyone kind of person. Always has died her hair blond, and I saw her for the first time with pure white hair. She has kidney and liver cancer and diabetes. She survived breast cancer 4 years ago and had a double mastectomy. I'm so heart broken by this.
Last week I went for my routine prenatal visit and I had had some blood work done and they gave the results. My iron was low, which means im anemic, no surprise to me...but they also said I have low blood platelets and referred me to oncology and hematology at the C.R. Wood cancer center in GF hospital. The dr's name is Dr. Grubbs. I go this friday the 11th. I have no clue what they are going to do. They told me not to worry, but i'm slightly worried. I got this huge 9 page booklet of paperwork to fill out from the cancer center on Friday and I filled it out tonight. Huge amount of family history and so on. There is quite a bit of cancer in my family. and sudden deaths by aneurysms. Anyways, hoping for nothing to be wrong, dont think I can deal. A baby is enough. Oh and 3 other kids plus a pain in the butt husband.
June 14th, Dylans 6th Birthday, 7 more days until we make the drive to Albany med for the level II ultrasound of our baby, hoping that SHE (haha) is healthy and perfect in every way. Happy that Kae and Zoey are coming up for it, and Diana will be coming too. I feel alittle uneasy about the baby, the reason is...im not really growing or gaining weight. Im on an obscene amount of meds, which I wish I didnt have to take but I do. Meds that put my baby at risk for growth restriction, addiction, and withdrawal once born. The reason behind the level II ultrasound. I'm honestly scared that she will come out less than perfect or too early or have trouble...or not make it at all. I havent felt kicking very much. I had contractions @ 17 weeks that really scared the heck out of me. I mean alot of contractions, every 2 minutes for hours, one right after the other. The guess is that not having my heart meds for 48 hours my body had withdrawals from it which put me into labor basically. I waited against drs orders and stayed home and they finally stopped around midnight. I have had some contractions since then but not nearly as many or as intense. I was literally breathing through them. So now at 18 weeks, I did get permission to go to work but for only as long as I felt comfortable with. Well I am a security guard at SPAC and I was working Dave Matthews and I blacked out..and I mean OUT! I was standing there at my gate was feeling dizzy and then gradually everything was moving around me, starting to go black, so i walked 20 feet and sat on a patch of grass and on my walk my hearing went, I could hear anything. Weird, bc nothing like that has ever happened to me, I sat down and felt better, walked back over and then started to feel like crap again. Could someone just explain to me why this is happening? All of it, the daily migraines?? The feeling of being stuck,no ambition, depressed, I cant even go back to work pretty much. This sucks after I had everyone convinced that im tough then ended up on a stretcher. It sucks that i let down myself and my co workers. Thinking I can do something and not physically being able to do it takes a huge hit to everything inside me. I feel like a failure right now so bad.
